Month: July 2012

These mornings.

The only wish these days is to get away from these buildings and skyscrapers. Don’t get me wrong. I love Doha. I do. As much as I love Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh city. I guess I just miss the nature. Feel the urge to breathe the moisturing air, smell the salty sea water, bury my toes into the sand.

Refrain. Refrain. I’m going to have a break soon. Very soon. I’m going to Russia in its raining season. Such a good timing!

Recently, there has been a thought of settling down crossing my mind. I guess when you are traveling a lot, not staying in a place for more than 3 months, there will be a lot of times when you feel lonely, you miss home, miss some certain people who you can turn to to complain or to cry your heart out whenever you need. And that’s why sometimes in a middle of a journey, you want it to be your last one.

I guess that’s my case at the moment.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I am killed softly by the loneliness which I cannot explain. My team is great. I love them very much. I am so comfortable being around them. Just being around them. But still, even being comfortable being around them, I cannot escape from the loneliness that I am not even seeking for.

At a point of time, normal sharing will be no longer enough. You will feel longing for a secret and personal interaction between only 2 people. I guess I just miss him too much. The color of his shirts. His voice. How he laughed. How he comforted me. His jokes. How I could turn to him saying that “I’m not okay”.

Going through all these ups and downs, there is only that person where I can find myself safe and sound being with.

Even when I am in the edge of ocean deep.

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Daydreams.

“Daydreamer
With eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter
Plus he’s there for you
When he shouldn’t be
But he stays all the same
Waits for you
Then sees you through”

Got up early this morning to finish some work. And iTunes played this song.

It keeps echoing in my head now, saying my heart out.

Feel good.

I don’t usually cry in front of people.

During this 1 month and a half, the first time I cried was after that talk with Matt. I hided my teary eyes behind the laptop screen.

The second time was when I saw him off at the airport. I was crying on the whole way back and during the night because of missing him too much.

The third time was today. I cried in front of Catarina when I was talking to her about the project. But it was good, to let go your thoughts and emotions sometimes.

“You think I can carry the world on my shoulders

That don’t mean that I can

I can bend, I can break, I can feel

I’m not made of steel

I can’t be anything more than I’m made of…”

Just to remember.

“If I had my life over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn’t be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously. I’d be crazier. I’d be less hygienic.

I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, I’d swim more rivers, I’d go more places I’ve never been to. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans.

I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones!

You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, Ive had my moments- moment by moment by moment.

I’ve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a umbrella. If I had to do it all over again, I’d travel lighter next time.

If I had to do it all over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay awake later in the fall. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, and I’d play with more children, if I had my life to live over again…

But you see, I don’t”

From “Happiness Now”, by Andrew Matthew

On replay today.

“These mornings, these mornings.

No you’re not alone,
The valley is flushed and warm,
And breaths a lazy mist,
Take your time with it,
All of it,
And what we miss we miss,
And what we see is what we get.”

“Now we hurry on”. Such a beautiful song :). So present.